unforgettable

feeling sad again

2009-05-17T21:50:00.002+08:00

haix...i have been chasing her since i can't remember...she told me she is single so i tired my very best chat with her in msn but i found out there is a guy liking her my heart totally fallen...cuz i know i m no beta than tht guy...sobxsobx

this feeling is the same as last yr b4 i step in army...i tried chasing her...we went out...my buddy n my friends thou we are couple...b4 the day i step in i have ask her to be my gf...her reply was she need to consider...all my ppls say got 50/50 chances...than i sms,call her in tekong...she takes quite long to reply me n she dun pick up my call i find it quite weird but didn't ask y...on the 2nd last day on my confinment she sms me not to be too caring n hope i have a good army life...my bunk mate say i have been ditch but ignore it...so i came out of army i went to internet to check on friendster n found out she is in a relationship...totally my heart drop from sky...

i dunno wat kind of feeling i have cuz she is still single n yet there is this guy liking her???crying...

changing my car look

2009-05-09T18:15:00.002+08:00

well have been thinking alot lately abt my car cuz it has been scratch by idiotic ppl...so i decided to mod my car in diff manner....thank you grace wong wei li(angimon) by her inspiration i decided to spray white...specific pearl white...n black bonnet...mod it like AE86 truneo...recently has been watching inital d out of the blue...so i guess is a great look on my car...oncec again thank you angimon...but for other mod is a secret...haha...

he is our future IC Oo pls...bleah

2009-05-07T22:36:00.003+08:00

well i recieve a later new tht my superior has put his name as our future ic...well i have no opinion on tht but he knows nothing...slack most of the time...command ppl with no authority...well i m abit piss is becuz how can a ic knows nothing n yet in charge of u n ur friends...isn't tht a little unfair???or is it me feeling jealous...i dunno y but i argue with my seniors jus becuz of tht,cuz 2 me i felt is isn't fair cuz some ppl are seriously beta than him n they are not rewarded...for me no way cuz i will not be there for long...

than for the past 2days i make my buddy smell like pig...cuz yesterday i was taking out seal from the vehicle...the seal is so tight tht i need to use my ultimate strength on the flat tip screw driver n a hammer...so i hit until the seal flew n hit my buddy n the oil flash out of from the box n weeshhh it banzai my buddy...haha...2day oso the same but this time he do it cuz he say i very violent...n wow he did it...the seal came out perfectly but the oil still drip on him...haha...

Oo well life isn't the end yet thou...1 life,live it to the fullest dun care abt the past cuz is something we already learn but care abt the future cuz is something we must be ready for it...quoted from benacity

wat's wrong with rich ppl???

2009-05-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

nowaday i m frustrated with rich ppl driving expensive cars,everywhere in singapore...like 3days back i was driving out of my house...i on my hazard light so in order i can close my gate out nowhere i heard someone horning...i was like man wat is tht audi a4 trying to do...so i reverse so the his car can drive through but behind me was a lorry n a car...so i need 2 ask those behind me to move...than the audi try 2 squeeze through n he hit my side mirror n drove off...arghh wth...

than 2day another incident this benz driver horn so loudly tht everyone ard my area heard it...i was opening my gate so i can park in but this benz insist me to move my vehicle so i be gentle man i move off so he can drive through instead the driver say thank you he scolded me...say i dunno how 2 drive dun drive u cb...i was so piss off i was abt to step out of my vehicle n talk with him nicely but he drove off n oso their side of the lane got ppl driving in so i quickly park my car so ppl won't piss me off...

haix hope those rich ppl dun mess with street racers with not haix hope they will be fine...pls to all drivers out there be gentleman,cuz anger may cuz damage to urself n ur vehicle...

lucky or bad luck???

2009-03-04T17:25:00.002+08:00

well,i m suppose to run for my unit this coming fri maranthon for some reason my officer don't want me to run...my friend told me the reason is becuz i did not appear in my camp for more than 3days,got such regulation meh never heard of it...btw to all reader i m a lousy runner because no stamina but is because i m fitter than most ppl in my camp...my camp soldier has medical reason and i seriously dunno why i m here...haha...in any case i don't really consider i m lucky because i like combat instead of non-combat...Oo well God plan i suppose...hmm...i oso can consider lucky oso becuz i m a stay out soldier tht mean i can come out everyday,for those stay in are lock up in camp till fri evening or sat morning...back to the topic,i wanna go for the marathon this fri so i can escape from my camp...haix...i dunno whether i m lucky or not...if i go run tht day i may embarass myself infront of other camp cuz i can't run...haha...

2day finally getting beta from my sickness but still feel giddy maybe i sleep to much...but the weather still killing me...rain on n off...i think the weather is crying for julie & salina...lol...anyway i just hope everyone gets beta from all situation(sickness,bgr,studies,blah blah blah)haha...GOD BLESS

i m back

2009-03-03T12:39:00.004+08:00

well 1st off,i got 3days mc because i fallen sick again...man...quit smoking really kills my immune system...last time can carry 150kg now 50kg oso cannot...wat wrong with me???m i going through tough time with so much in my mind???or is it just me trying to make excuses to smoke...we have just 1 life...live to the fullest,but trying make urself to die early doesn't make sense,right???no matter what i still believe my parents,my friend julie,salina n my buddy quitting together with me nick n xian...we believe we can live our life full of thrill and excitment without touching things that will kill us...

many day and months i have been thinking what is love,is love a suffer or happiness...it takes a long time just to forget about her,it makes me suffer even though i m the guy who make that decision...do i have a choice???NO i don't...plus i went to date a few gals after i broke up...the feeling i been through is diff,i felt refresh is it i have change my persepective or respective for gals or is this call happiness...alot of friend ask me to stop harping but the memories is still there...i finally understood wat is love...but isn't it too late???she is off with another guy tht she like when i was with her already,can u believe it...arghhh...anyway if i have a chance with another gal tht like me i will shower my stars of love on her...i promise...haha

meditation for everyone today...

if there is a word called love...wat is the thing tht u wanna protect n shower with love???

hhh

2007-11-09T01:16:00.001+08:00

hjfk

2months have past

2006-09-28T13:08:00.000+08:00

Yes Ben Ben is back...haha...Wat a long time...I wanna write something from the bottom of my heart...1st...I have never been tht happy till micheee dear came along...thank God for letting her 2 b my Gf....2nd...I have never gone stronger without God and micheee dear...3rd...I felt tht being a christian isn't tht easy but if we go through His testing our life in future will b easiler to handle...

I dunno why i have this feeling God is going 2 put a much heavier test 4 me...God have gave me so many buden of joy n happiness...So the coming God's test is filled with all this tht y He give it 2 me...

Anyway this coming tues there will be a ite chalet organised by Syfc(singapore youth for Christ)...can't wait...haha...2 share God word 2 non-christian...speaking of tht i dun get it wat wrong of believing...Oo ya...this fri which is tmr i going 2 b film...AH HELP ME...dunno how 2 present myself...1st i need shave...haha...2nd need 2 groom my hair,3rd need 2 dress neatly...oops...Ok this r the feel question...1st why do i wanna preach God's word 2 my friend,2nd wat has change me after i become a christian n 3rd wat is 1 thing tht i m concern abt my friend...

I know how 2 ans but i pray tht this is wat God wants me 2 speak,i dun wan 2 speak from wat i think but is wat God think...anyway i read finish Acts 4...1 of the verse hit me hard...is Acts 4:19-20...But Peter and John replied"Judges for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God for we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard"...

So we must judges for ourself whether are we right or wrong in God's eyes,not being judges by other like those Sadducees,which they believe there is no afterlife...So in other word they either r not strong christian or they r not even christian...

ya anyway gonna stop here...need 2 do my speech plan...haha blehs...thanks 4 reading cya ard fellowship of Christ...

goodbye ppl's or maybe...

2006-07-22T06:28:00.000+08:00

dear ppl,
Hi ppl as some of u may know tht i m going through a O.P. My dr,Proffesor Dr jimmy soh told me tht is a very high risk of dying during my operation...but after the op everything will back 2 normal which mean my body won't b affected by steriod n best of all slim down n no side effects of any medication...

So i decided 2 go even thought is a slim chance of living...If God wans me 2 live i will...So let Him decide...anyway life is short so live it to the fullness...Even thought i still think abt her tht doesn't mean i need 2 follow her footpath...

So u ppl do wat u think is right n life with it dun follow me wait until the end n found out tht i have wasted so many time...Life is once,life jus comes n goes,life is uncountable of happiness n sadness...

back 2 my topic if i didn't make it,than see u guys in heaven...I hope 2 c u guys again la...tht y i keep saying i miss u guys so much...if i dun make any blog during the 1st week of august tht mean i m not here already...:'(...really wanna life n c u guys again really miss the good time tht i have...

sincerly n sadness,
benjamin

work work work

2006-06-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

last week have been working like crazy...On thurs is was my 1st time working nite shift...I was so piss off by a guy name shi jiang...seriously i dunno much thing abt nite shift...than he scold here scold there...I did not argue with him cuz i was already not in a mood 2 joke...He totally took advantage of me cuz usually i alway smile but tht day was seriously down...

I scolded him immediatly he when 2 tell all the ppl working there...I heard 1 of the staff saying tht i he was piss off tht y i piss off...So I told my manager if he is working,i will not work...He ask y,i reply him so tht there won't b any flying plate ard...he laughed n say my boy i understand ur feeling,alright than ur wish is my command...i was like HUH...Y he suddenly treat me so good...

Anyway continue 2 sunday...@ 1st alot of ppl gave me attitude cuz of HIM...lata alot of ppl found tht i wasn't tht guy tht shi jiang was talking abt...1 of the staff started chatting soon after 1 by 1 come n talk 2 me...haha...i was so happy...1st they r patience with me while teaching me how i shld work...2nd they talk with me like a adult instead like a kid...3rd they really treat me like their family...i was so glad tht i work here...even though some ppl r ignorance but i m still fine with tht...shall stop here...i wanna watch my VCD...haha not DVC...lol...

Boring Sia...MOS

2006-05-31T02:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday when MOS with doreen...It was so exciting when we about to get in...Is so crowded tht we squeeze through those ppl...Aiyo specially those indian aiyo making so much of noise...Shouting here n there,like those wild animal...lol...Dun say le,lata ppl will sue me in law suit...I hate tht idiot security...Say no smoking than some more accuse doreen of throwing cigarette butt on to the 1st lvl...

Especially tht chinese security said tht bring her outside...i was like...WTH...no prove how can he say she is guilty...I was so scared cuz the security escort her dunno where...Thank God nothing happen...She came back...Than we were like sitting down there shaking leg cuz 2 crowded cannot dance some more the song is so crappy...

So we decided 2 leave ard 0117hr....than while we about to go out we heard techno...So we decided 2 go in,we were like yeah but 15 to 20 min is like...SIAN...haha cuz all the beats is the same...I when to ask the Dj...whether is trance,techno or none???He replied Techno i was like Oo...kk...weird...So ard 0145 we decided 2 leave tht BORING plc...anyway was quite enjoyable time being with doreen...haha...tht all folks...da ba da ba Doo

goodbye...hallo future

2006-05-28T02:24:00.000+08:00

2day i shld say is a sad ending...haiZ...tht indian security kanna sack cuz of ME...Tht indian guy really stupid,the cctv was filming us while we were fighting...He when 2 show the manager who incharge of them...That manager is my dad's karate student 20yrs back obviously he will b on my side...

Haha...thinking how he know me???kk...let me tell u how...Before i started working tht manager was smoking outside while my dad was fetching 2 work cuz i was late the 1st day...lol...Shhh...anyway i was so rush i left my hp on my dad's car,my dad reel down his window n shouted my name than the manager saw my dad...he walk up 2 my dad n i was thinking wat happen...out of nowhere he half-bow 2 my dad i was shock..i when up 2 my dad n ask him he said he is his student...haha tht how i know him lor...

anyway back 2 the topic...The manager told me tht indian guy when 2 scold him cuz he was on my side...than he slap him,immediatly he sack him...haiZ...wat a pity if he didn't slap him i dun think he will get sack...

Yesterday i was serving a famous actor from H.K. ...haha dunno right...let me tell u...it....is....Edison chan damn my assist manager dun let me get his autograph...Arghh...He so handsome lor...

My assist manager got his autograph lor...arghh...hate her...lol...j.k....didn't manage 2 talk 2 him too...Now dun feel like working onli 1shift le...So i told my manager tht i decided 2 work 2shift...lol...1 is for the money 2nd is for autograph...haha...

My best buddy got an autograph from a famous actress from korea,i dunno her name but she acted on channel u,weekday 10-11pm...So sad lor...haiZ...Shall end here...hehe

compliment plus nearly gone in a fight with security

2006-05-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

haha 2day my assist manager gave me 90/100 4 my overall attitude+++...She minus 10 marks is becuz i forgotten 2 shave my beard...lol...She said if i carry on working this way i may become 1 of the manager in stamford raffles hotel...I was so happy...haha...in other hand my 7/11 store manager n area manager ask me if i wanna work full-time cuz if i take up full-time,they will promote me to area manager...so happy...they give me a chance 2 become manager but i refuse cuz i need 2 study n work hard 2 become a boss of my own like my dad...i m not smart but i workhard 4 my goal...

2day i oso quarrel with 1 of the security...He ask me not 2 touch the paper...I say paper come out mah...i m trying 2 put back...He say u wan u ask my security 2 do...I replied he busy so i help him la...he replied dun need he got hand...I like 2 help wat,cannot is it...He continue saying dun touch...I shouted back @ him TOUCH WAT...he immediatly piss off n he stood up n look @ me...haha he is so short n skinny tht he jus pull my shirt...i immediatly twist his arm n say stupid indian if u touch me 1 more time i make sure i m gonna break ur ARM n pls know the person background b4 u fight pls...Once i let go of him...He say u watch out i replied 2 him u r the guy who beta watch out....He end the conversation n walk off...

i was been chosen

2006-05-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday as some ppl may know tht i when 4 da vinci code seminar...This seminar was great,i learn something special it was so intense cuz dr lim show me lots of things through dan brown(author of da vinci code)...

i met alot of my fellow bro from my former chruch...they were all shock when they c me...They were asking where i have gone...when did i join back syfc...As some ppl may know i was a leader once but i step down due 2 my life serving the world...so i rather step down or else i m no diff from 666...

After the seminar i had been called by a president of Syfc(singapore youth for christ) 2 become a leader/helper for my ite sch but i need 2 go through 5month sessions...It is a great chance 2 do God's will...

I nodded my head cuz i have decided 2 serve God than human desire...he was glad n he introduce me many leader's cuz soon i will b under them...it was a great risk for me cuz i may not b paying fully attention 2 the session becuz of daily life...Jesus is no fool...He know wat i m feeling right now but i know tht wat ever God's place b4 me tht was b a reason behind everything...

I was having a meeting till late evening ard 6++...Once i reach home immediatly i fall right on my bed(smelly)...until ard 12mn...sorry 2 those who sms or call me...haha i was sleeping like a dead pig...

When i was young i alway remember this sentence...2 server Him is not 4 the sake of serving but 4 the willingness tht bring life...a hint,...If u dun understand...than take this sentence n reflect or ponder abt it...Soon u will understand...This sentence is i make de...so i guess it isn't tht hard 2 understand...

I shall end here cuz is late n lata is my new term...HAHA evil stand forth but i will conquer it...

2 mich...

2006-04-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

If u say it tht way let it b...Let me jus warn u God see everyone of us...He knows who is right n wrong...Whoever go against Him will not b living peacfully but HELL...If u love tht someone go ahead no one will stop u even God won't stop...u wanna know y cuz is ur life...

Dun u ever come n tell everyone n especially GOD on how hurt or sad u r...cuz u know the ending b4...Did jesus tell His father saying I love u but i can't die on the cross cuz is too painful...can i jus 4get abt it n carry doing other thing tht make me feel easy...He go through with it y???Ask urself...

Take this incident n put it in our ex-relationship...doesn't it sound the same...saying is so hard 2 4get abt him...@ last u said let's break...is it more painful 2 me i lay my life cuz 2 try 2 make u 4get but did u...So dun u ever say u love me,if u did u will b like JESUS...

GOD i finally understand tht if i m in mich shoes...i cannot serve 2 master...even how hurt m i...i mus b like Jesus...let her go...If she wanna go with the world let it b...Cuz the life is her not mine...

Doc...say i now onli got 30% of leaving...he found out tht i got steriod in my body n oso emotion pro so the risk of op is very high chances of death...God perish me so i won't feel hurt cuz of her...

If u ever read until this part...This song is 4 U...

Chorus:I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down and I just wanna be alone I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home Cause you channel all your pain and I can't help to fix myself Your making me insane All I can say is

Chorus

I tried to help you once A kiss will only vise I saw you going down But you never realizedThat your drowning in the water So I offered you my hand Compassions in my nature Tonight is our last dance

Chorus

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down and I just wanna be aloneYou shouldn't ever came around Why don't you just go home?Cause your drowning in the water and I tried to grab your hand and I left my heart open but you didn't understandbut you didn't understand You fix yourself I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeI can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

Chorus x2

very hurt

2006-04-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

2day is an unlucky day...I when 2 work than a guy from india ones a cup of coffe so i poured 4 him than my friend kanna complain by tht fcuking indian guy...He said the the cup is dirty...fucking ch** by* where the cup got dirty,my india partner ask me,i say the cup i took was from the kitchen...My partner was scolding n scolding n scolding like his own hse...

Everything when fine but alot of the ppl in my work plc complain abt rich indian even my manger who is oso an indian...While having our lunch...than my ex gf sms me saying tht she will b late...Another sms from her saying she will b there in 2min time so i rush 2 the toilet...2 have my nature call so i pass my hp 2 dex...she called so dex pick up the phone...after dex hang down the phone dex say she reach le so...i say let's go...

Reach there le...she called me again asking me where m i...i told her i reach le...@ last she found me...I dunno wat kinda expression shld i have so i jus act gracefully like nothing happen...The most angry part,i jus pointing out her acnes she immediatly dodge me...I was like wth i jus pointing why ur reaction so big...i was so damn piss off...i pretend not 2 show...come on la...i jus wanting 2 point out saying ur acnes has gone smaller...

dun need 2 give me so BIG reaction like i m going 2 touch u...Come on we both broke up le...u shld know me well too not onli ur tht someone...i jus can't believe it...Why u treat me like a stranger...u say we r good friend...ya like real can't even trust me in this small little thing than next time how???Dex was oso asking me y her reaction so big...i was so angry i told him...DUNNO LA...Dex reply mayb tht someone is ard tht y she dun like u get close to her...i reply mayb la,can u dun talk abt this anymore i m really hurt right now...i thot every single thing will b alright jus becuz of this TRUST...i feel damn hurt,some more in addition 2 tht someone else n our relationship...i feel more hurt...

let me tell u the meaning of my song in my blog...the title is ghost of u...the main part is NEVER COMING HOME...i m already stand firm but becuz of the trust u gave 2 me...i felt so little...we r once bgr,once a friend but we r still good friend i dun wan this 2 end... so a bro in christ i hope u think through have 2 give enough trust 2 everyone else...

2day was a day tht i dun wanna remember why,why,why n more WHY...God if this is gonna b this way let it b...i will fight for this sickening life n relationship tht i been through...

No mood...i myself oso dunno y mayb is becuz of tht someone else tht y i feel damn bloody hurt or else i think i can let u go easily...

Sad n sorrow

2006-04-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a big shock 2 me tat I never imagine...I was so hurt tat I when drinking alone n drunk myself so tat I won't feel any pain but I didn't get drunk but instead I m still so awake...I was thinking abt mich all the time...When I by pass east coast expressway with my dad's car...I sudden remember abt tat someone...Jus now I was on my way 2 my club(Chinese swimming club)I sudden again remember abt tat someone again...

when I was on my way 2 gym I the gym was playing all techno song...All of a sudden when I settle down...They played I do(cherish you) sang by 98 degree used 2 b mich...In order not 2 think 2 much I when 2 buy alcohol...After I finish drinking a step in once again...They played my favorite song is oso a memorance of her again...the song is when you said you love me sang by josh groban...

I got so fed up I when 2 boil myself in jacuzzi...while talking with edwin I suddenly remember mich again...After chatting finish with edwin...I started playing my hp mp3...I have no idea y I started 2 listen n focus on both song soledad n if I let u go...I got so angry I threw my hp on the ground everyone was looking @ me but I give a damn...than I saw a gal ard 15 to 16 keep on looking @ me I was so piss off I keep up my phone n when to changing room n go home...

on my way home...it started drizzling than heavy rain than raining cats n dogs...I oso dun give a damn I drove my bike off with no jacket n helmet...I totally dun give a damn in anything now...I felt tat I have never had...so I think I shld carry on with this life...@ last I came home n confess to God tat I m in a wrong...I felt tat I m always in the wrong...sorry no mood shall stop here...take care...

nameless...

2006-03-03T07:13:00.000+08:00

Oh Lord...Pls i pray...Let my pray b heard by u...I need u Lord...I need you 2 tell me wat m i feeling...i dunno n i wanna know cuz i ought 2 know...I feel like something is pressing on my heart...like my heart is carrying a heavy load...Lord i hope u ans my pray request...Lord i pray amen...

hmm...

2006-02-19T02:08:00.000+08:00

YoyO...haha can anyone help me in this???i m trying 2 hold up this habit of saying YA....When i was young i love saying it until now...My dad last time scolded me from saying cuz he felt is kinda of rude by saying it...i tried many way even my dear helping me to stop this habit n guess wat i can hold myself not to say for 3min but after tht...haha is back to square one...i guess the longest record is oso 3min

anyone got suggestion so tht i can stop saying it???

muahahahaha

2006-02-13T17:57:00.000+08:00

SONG OF THE MONTH

Like the sound of silence calling,I hear your voice and suddenlyI'm falling, lost in a dream.Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,You say those words and my heart stops beating.I wonder what it means.What could it be that comes over me?

At times I can't move.At times I can hardly breath.When you say you love me,The world goes still, so still and silent.When you say you love me,For a moment, there's no one else alive.You're the one I've always thought of.I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.You're where I belong.And when you're with me if I close my eyes,There are times I swear I feel like I can flyFor a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love meThe world goes still, so still and silent.When you say you love meFor a moment there's no one else alive.bridge:And this journey that we're on.

How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.And when you say you love me,That's all you have to say.I'll always feel this way.When you say you love meThe world goes still, so still and silent.When you say you love meIn that moment I know why I'm alive.

When you say you love me.When you say you love me.Do you know how I love you?

Could b the last time writing

2006-02-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

hi everyone...2day I was having fun with my dear even it's only 2hr++...Damn I hope it can b longer...We were meeting each other @ Newton mrt station...

From there we walk toward the Newton food centre...We were eating hokkien noodles...it taste to local...my dear say is because usually tourist ppl come here n eat tht y taste like local...

After we finish eating we when to another plc to eat...We when to eat waffles it nice man...u shld try it...she order the 1scoop waffles,i order sausages n egg waffles...haha we were playing with the sausage...haahaaa...

I was having alot of fun cuz i m with my dear...dunno whether there is a 2nd chance or not:'(...

after tht we when to a cold storage which was used to b very close to her old hse...we were walking inside...she know my favourite...haha

after from then on i totally turn quiet cuz abt tommorrow...i really hope everyday i m with her...i love being with her...i love hugging her...i love nagging her...i love seeing her everyday give those smile tht onli she can give...

while we on the way back to newton mrt...i was holding her hand while waiting for train...out of sudden i said this...This mayb the last time i m holding ur hand...i nearly shead my tears but i hold it cuz i dun wan ppl to c tht i m crying...

i really wanna hug her longer cuz i dunno when will my time comes...i have this feeling is near but dunno when...before we depart...i said this to her...i miss u n love ya...she reply same here...:'(

while i was on my bus i started crying luckily nobody notice or else my face will turn red once again...haha

so long my lover,so long my good friends...till we meet again...

i m so hopeless

2006-02-02T16:11:00.000+08:00

I m so bloody angry with my mom...she scolded me 4 not helping out the hse work...wat abt my sis she can sit @ home do absolute nothing...she didn't have any job my mom still allow her to sleep late...

wat abt me...i have night jobs n yet i need 2 do...where got enough time 2 sleep...some more i have been working 4days non-stop with onli 2~3hrs of sleep...my sis can sleep for 12hrs n yet my mom didn't say her...WTH la...damn bloody piss off...2day need 2 work again...haha so BORING as usual...with annoying customers most of the times...

i dunno wat will happen next time...i hope i can life my live to the fullness...i dunno whether i can do tht or not but i m willing 2 do it...

to those who know abt my dream...i dunno whether shld i believe or not...2day is a diff 1which i m talking with my dear half-way while crossing the road than...BANG...fall on the ground...i said this to my dear...i have jus been knock down by a car....i will stay by ur side even though u can't c me...i will wait for u...till we meet again goodbye...i have no idea but suddenly i jus cried on my than i woke up n found myself on the floor...Shh...

i wanna to b is a good bf...i dunno m i or not but i m trying all my ways to b 1...2 me wat i feel is i m not...haha thts all i gonna write...

thank God tht he brought dear 2 me

2006-01-05T13:19:00.000+08:00

the 1st day i met my dear is on 17th oct which is on fri...i didn't imagine we will stead thought but we did :)...the thing tht attract me more abt my dear was the way she speaks not going 2 tell u guys,you find out urself...lol...i used to be a guy tht lost of word when i m speaking with someone face to face especially gals,in other word i m SHY...haha...the day i start chatting on the phone with my dear...i felt i m no longer shy but the way i look still the same SHY...

anyway the 1st date was fun cuz we walk from 1 plc to another...2 know more abt where we walk,u can check out on the previous blog...muahahaha....anyway ya tht day was oso very embarass cuz i fall down in 7/11 haha....than on the 2nd date is we when 2 watch harry potter...the golbet of fire...instead of exciting it turn out 2 b comedy...haha...anyway i was oso having fun on tht day cuz i manage 2 c my dear n talk 2 my dear face to face which i dun do it everyday..

the 3rd date was on 21nov...we when 2 play pool @ grandlink...i was kinda nervous cuz i m going 2 tell my dear something tht i have not been doing for 3yrs...haha...imagine hand is shaking...leg is shaking...AIYA all my body part is shaking la...haha...anyway we when 2 bugis with 2 ASSHOLE(they never clean the hole properly(STINK) )..not going 2 tell u who...while in the bus,i ask her...i thot she will reject me but she didn't i totally jump 4 joy but not in front of her la...i did in my hse...wahahaha...

i m really happy how i met my dear n how God has done for us...i hope We can grow together in spiritual...tht is 1 of the important thing tht we mus have in relationship...i m oso happy tht God has protecting us all the days...i didn't know God has really lighten most thing 4 us...wat i m trying 2 say is GOD has really been there with us through out the whole time...

M i really tht bad...

2006-01-04T15:00:00.000+08:00

i was damn angry 2day i was on msn my sis send me an a document ask me 2 read,i was piss off cuz the thing she is saying is tht she starting 2 give up on me...come on wth man,she treat my dear like wat already now give me attitude...wat she wans from me...

she wan me 2 give grattitude 2 my parent.i m trying 2 b open 2 my parent but when i m being open is like being stab on the chest is totally make me more sad n angry..obviously who like their parent 2 scold them...some more becuz of yesterday incident i m more furious...can't they give me a break than start scolding again y mus b all @ the same time...they r thinking there is no tml n they think i can absorb everything wat they say...i m ain't no superhero...Y mus they Pinme 2 the ground until i give up abt standing 4 my right...

i jus can't stand it but i really thank God for my dear...she is there 4 me when i really need someone...she willing 2 sacrifise time 4 me even thot she has 2 study early in the morning...really praise God for He have given me someone i can care n look upon too...i jus can't take it when my parent keep on hiding sometime from me...i wan the truth from them,even if i can't take it...y mus they ask ppl 2 tell me or tell other ppl when they themselves have mouth 2 talk n scold ppl...i m not a 5yrs old kid n oso not a baby...

i know they still care but can't they b open 4 me...i try 2 spent time but i know if i spent time with them there b lots of thing 2 quarrel...is kinda sad when someone u look upon looks down on u...

i jus take when my mom can't feel tht i m crying...i can't take it when my dad thing tht i m a childish son...i m a human to not a junk or trash...can't they jus tell me wat they wan n listen 2 my opinions....i can't take it...i always feel like dying cuz i can't take it in this world full of sin

m i bad example???

2006-01-02T20:35:00.000+08:00

BEN HERE....

Living as a christian for almost 8yrs,i have change to a good person cuz of my good buddy(i miss u guys...sob )...I wanna live as a strong Christian so tht God will be proud so does my family memeber n those who support me through out my walk with Him tht i have been through the trial tht i can't take it but they pulled me up when i m seriously drop dead...i know is hard to obey God's word...

When i get into ITE i started to get close to my classmate to show them how God change me but instead of i changing them...i m being changed cuz of some influent by friends n some other ppl who call themself christian...i tried to push myself but i failed...i came a cross this guy...on the 2nd day of sch...i heard he is from st gab...so i tot he is a christian so tht will b easiler to go forth to share gospel to those lost sheep...the sad thing was he used to be but he backslided cuz of some situation but tht never stop me from sharing to him the meaning of God

We slowly became close friend n bro...i used like him cuz he is the 1 who talk to me share his trouble and also give me morning call...soon time goes by i really felt God send him to ite so i can bring him back as a christian,i tried mean n way to change him...

TO BE CONTINUE....

Change:Is it me or them?Or both sides?

2005-12-31T09:40:00.000+08:00

It is me here again...=)

As time pass by,people have changed...Some changes are good,other kind of changes are fine,but the rest of the changes that are bad or really horrible...Sometimes we just wish that we can change the way the world work and that we had more time to do it the way that is supposedly best,or that we had actually stop and look around at what is going on and what have failed to notice that seems to evolve.

Everytime we hope for a change in someone or in something,our natural reaction is that things turn out for the better,hardly for the worse things do turn out for the worse,we always prayed that it would be "someone else" or "something else" and not us.However,what we hardly take precaution is just this--What happens if that "someone else" or "something else" is someone around us or something related to you?Especially when that "someone" or "something" is closest to our hearts?Just when we could not possibly imagine it,poof!Things have changed for the worse to us,other people that we know or the people close to us individually.

It all hits our hearts when the people around us have seem to change in a whirl...Some people say that anger brings out the real characters of people.Why do I talk about anger out of the blue?Because anger and hurt seems to be the main emotions happening inside us when the people close to us have change that may have harm us.So now my question to the ending of this entry would be this---Is that really who I am,with all this hurt and anger inside me due to the close friends around me that seem to be indifferent than before?Have I changed as well even though I only seem to see it in them?Everyone is a critic,yes.But what kind of person have I change into?Is it very drastic like the changes happening in those certain characters?

michelle here

2005-12-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

Hey ya..It's me..*grinss

We had a great time today together again,didn't we?Like we always do...haha...Reminiscing of how we met and the way things turned out to be...It is rather strange on how we cross each other's paths and changed each other's lives when we first met...

At first,things did not exactly been that fantastic when we first went steady with each other...Well,especially not for me..At least we begin to realize who are the true ones that will really "stand" by you..It was extremely heartbreaking from the start to actually find out that sometimes things or people aren't the way as you see them..Oh well,least we got to find out their true colors...

In any case,I am glad that I have you in my life now...I have always been grateful,but I guess I did not show it really well huh?Haha..Do not fret,it is not because I did not really like you,but more on the guilt consciences and that I did not want you to fall head over heels on me while I am not =X...Whereas for now,well,I would say that the current situations around us are lightening up..It really does seems like it...I suppose it is because you were there beside me,along with God to help us overcome the issues together =)

A new chapter is about to begin as next year is about to kick in soon...In anyways,I just want to say that I am happy that I have met you and grateful for all the things you have done for me,which also includes scarification...Thanks a lot for being there for me and for the concern you have showered upon me =))

Yup,I believe we can last long and that even though we cannot seem to help each other forget or stop feeling for our ex-steads,we can still do our best to work to our goal--and that is to make this relationship grow and last for an eternity...

The other day what I wanted to say was simply this...I am beginning to feel more for you...Like the saying say "Rome was not built in a day".Therefore I am willing to put more effort than before into this relationship...However,it would still be best for you to not fall so hard for me...Why do I say that?I just want to respect you that you will not feel that you have been played a fool by me or by any girl if anything should happen...[Pss,which I do not really believe that a break-up may take place...But you know,just a any case =)]

This post is to express my feelings and thoughts before I forget to tell you again...And in any case...This...is...NOT A BREAK-UP LETTER!!!!!!!!!AHHHH!!!How can you think that way?!?!I did not mention any thing about we going to our separate paths!!!!! =X...Crazy summo...hahaha!!!

my dear pass her N's lvl

2005-12-21T02:51:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah yeah...haha so d*mn bloody happy lor...she pass her N lvl...tht make me so d*mn scared when i recieve her call cuz she said she "failed"...than i was totally shock....dunno wat 2 say...than she said she scored 7 i was...DOTZ...she bluff me...haha...i was like Yahoooooooo....she passed so happy...God really heard her n my pray request...so must Thank HIM 4 being there 4 her...lalala...haha...lalala...haha....lalala...i mad liao...haha

very very happy

2005-11-29T14:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday(21/11/05) was my dear n me 1st week together,i was scare cuz i afraid she dun like the necklace...i was having cold sweat when she was opening the present in the bus...

finally she saw n she never say anything bad abt the necklace i was so happy...haha cuz this is the 2st time i took so long n thing wat 2 buy...i dunno y but i really wan her 2 b my side always...haiZ...hope God really ans my 3 Q in my relationship...i hope God will change her's mom mind set...2 allow her 2 have relationship @ her age n oso she i dun wanna c her sad...

If God wanna me 2 give up anything 4 this 3 Q i will...i really really like her n no matter wat i wanna c her happy forever...i really wan her 2 put her head on my shoulder so she can rest on me after the whole of work @ her work plc(confidential)...i jus can't find any suitable job...haha

really hate myself cuz i really dunno how 2 cherish every1....so this time i will learn how 2 cherish her no matter wat it take cuz if this is meant 2 be it is meant 2 be...Hope God Bless us again once more...

So happy

2005-11-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

Ook lets get down on y i m so happy...b4 it was fri i really can't wait...i was hoping tht the days to come will go faster...cuz i can't wait 2 c her n chat with her but we didn't talk very long on fri but it was an enjoyable time...@ least i still saw her...in my eyes...

than i when out with her on sat...haha i was nervous 2 c wat she was wearing...when i saw her,i was WOW...is tht she....haha...we when quite a few plcs...1st stop we when to far east plaza...we have our lunch @ takshimaya...she ate combo A(1) from a jap food store...haha u know,i know than we when to cold storage to get drinks she got herself soya bean n i got myself green tea after we ate finish we walk 2 heeren...look n walk ard...we than when to 7/11 haha i fall down while walking out of the store...SOBSOB cuz i was talking abt M&M...haha

we was walking ard robinson point @ tht moment than after we finish walking there...we walk 2 plaza singapura...than 1st we reach there we walk to carrefour...i saw my former trolley boys,i when 2 greet them than i carry on walking with her to carrefour 2 get some drinks but bcuz the drinks not much choices to choose so we when 2 7/11 Again...haha...we got ourself coke cola but mine with added flavor tht is LIMe....EEE YUCkS haha...jkjk...if i say bad thing abt it lata cola coka company sue me lol....

anyway i brought she c my creative design @ the carpark which...i need 2 held fully responsible...after tht we went 2 the 6th lvl walk ard the comic connection...after tht we went 2 spotlight,haha luckily never kanna caught by the staff in there...for being mischevious lol...(not true we r innocent) than we slowly walk down again...we when 2 carrfour 2 get her's mom items,let me tell u i tot i was in Hk cuz i smell until Hk leg haha(nearly fainted)...than we walk walk here n there than suddenly 2 walk into fila...wahahaha 2 prove i not gay...muahahaha u shld oso know i meant ah...anyway than we slowly walk back 2 orchard mrt...i sent her home(very happy) than i slowly walk 2 the mrt...i can tell u haha i walk 1 big round...is ok haha i manage 2 c some ppl gaying ard...haha i never join them cuz i NO GAY...wahahaha

while going home i can tell u i was totally squash by 2 indian sumo wrestler bigger size than me...imagine i so stink n smell like a scum...they still can tahan my smell haha...i hope they didn't faint
or else i m fully responsible 4 their life...haha

anyway i hope tht sat was forever...i love going out with her...i felt tht i m willing 2 say those dirty n lame jokes...i wish she could wack me more...lol...(siao person than will say like tht)i jus pray tht God is the 1 who plan this relationship...n we shld praise Him 2 the end of our life...Amen

sad moment

2005-11-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

haiZ...2day out of nowhere i decided 2 read straits time...i came a cross with this page called home...while reading i found tht it was my pri sch mate...i though he got an award or something but NO...it wasn't is abt his death n it was a shock 2 me again...cuz i have 2 friend tht when 2 somewhere far far away...

i dunno whether 2 cry or b happy...cuz his my friend,we chiong food,play hide n seek @ parkway parade until sercurity come n scold us...it was 1 of my happy moment with them...they even taught me how 2 roller skate...i taught how fight...haiZ wat a happy days...

their guys is my rugby vice-captain which oso same class as me in sec,we used tackle other opponents until siao we oso play in the toliet it was fun those day...

i rememeber i quit rugby when i was sec1 becuz i dun like the seniors attitude where once they lost the match they blame on us scold us n even pushing as around but he came n told me fu*k care them so wat we lost???is becuz we lack of teamwork n lack of daring ppl who have a motivation 2 tackle...he told me u r the 1 tht rugby need y quit show them power show them ur strength n show them we jr. aren't weak i was shock when i heard all this thing from his mouth...

so i admire him cuz he is nice but he died out of sudden which is near our N lvl...i was crying non-stop n praying tht he will b fine...can never 4get his look his courage 2 endure the competition 2 last of our sec life...now lost 2pals...wish i could die n b with them once again...so treasure n life...so how 2 feel or ur love 2 someone tht is important 2 u...y i say this is becuz i felt guilty when i never say how much they encourage or love me n never lose hope on me...

Swimming

2005-10-18T18:02:00.000+08:00

haha 2day when swimming(boring)...drank lots of water...how does it taste???hmm...YUCKS,make feel like vomitting...is beta than drinking salt water @ the beach...haha...So happy cuz i met a new friend 2day...even we didn't talk much but can felt tht he is quite a nice guy....God is really good he is willing 2 bring a new friend...haha...really felt so great...still i m who i m LAME....haha...haha...

so happy

2005-10-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

i saw the gal i used 2 like 2day....she has gone missing 4 almost 2month...can never believe tht i saw her...i got mad by calling my friend where the hell is he...anyway God really did so many wonders tht we didn't even care....soon or later will regret 4 no reason...cuz God plan everything 4 us all 2 grab it haha...so wat a waste 4 me...i scare tht i won't c her tommorrow...so i hope will do His wonders again...i pray tht i won't test my God le...

halrious

2005-10-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

when out with my friends 2day...we when 2 watch movie...the movie me n i has choose is called a 40-yrs old virgin...i got 2 say...is the best comedy i have ever watch...is funny,kinda cool n best of all is call abt VIRGIN...bwahahahaha...best of best i shld say...never think tht is was tht funny after watching the preview of the movie...go watch n u will know wat i m talking abt...

so complicated

2005-10-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

i felt tht i really a loser which dun dare 2 express myself in someone i love...is so hard 2 express my feeling...i m not like a dog which is so loyal 2 the owner even if they die...i felt i m a total loser which scare being rejected...i felt i m a total loser which afraid tht i won't have a gf till i m dead...i felt tht when comes 2 relationship i dun give God the final say @ all...wat a unloyal son m i...i m started 2 love 2person @ a time m i an total idiot which guys shouldn't b doing...HAiZ...PPl wat should i do gives some comments...thanks lotts